The Rwanda I know.

The Rwanda I know. Obviously the way everybody sees a situation or a place  is totally different based on how someone  grew up,their values, beliefs and culture. Someone sees a situation  and sees it as strange or wrong while another person finds it normal and right. So how I describe Rwanda is purely based on my own perspective heavily influenced by my own upbringing,which of course is different from nearly everyone else in this world (any other reformed Dutch kiwi kids growing on a farm, in a big family, with a social justice kind of upbringing ?)

However there are many people who have assumptions of what my life is like in Rwanda..and even feel like they know more than me about the  country I am living in (insert a smirk, a shaking of the head,  "don't you read the news?")


 Some people think my life in Rwanda is a bit how Africa  is portrayed in a lot of western media and movies. They think that I live in the middle of a war zone. So many times I heard "just be careful Kim" and "careful you dont die." I mean that last one is fair enough. I might die but 99.99% more likely in a motorbike accident than any violence. In reality I live in a country with more soldiers, security guards and police than I am sure there  are sheep on New Zealand. All heavily armed. There was an incident a month or so ago where a man was shot by a policeman at the same place I shop and catch the bus most days. But apparently he was threatening the policeman with a machete. But that's literally about as far as any kind of insecurity in this country . I feel super safe on the streets.  Everyone (complete strangers) reminds me to zip up my bag (to prevent my thigs being stolen. ) Every time I meet someone on the road who I vaguely know they walk with me to make sure I get at least part of the way home safely. I even forgot to lock my front door (once) over night.


Other people think I am around extreme poverty all day. "It must be so hard to see people suffering all the time" Well I live in a country where avocados rot on the street (I can hear the collective gasp from all of New Zealand) because apparently the small ones aren't any good. However I think they are perfect for guacamole. There is poverty of course. Some times we get children who come to our home so that Claire  can help them with their studies but they have forgotten their books (which they wanted to study from) and come conveniently just at dinner time. When they eat, they eat piping hot food extremely fast and wolf down a second helping just as fast. It's pretty clear they didn't come to do their homework. We have a rule in our house that No one leaves our home hungry or at least they leave wito food to share with their family. Rwanda is an extremely fertile country and everyone should be able to grow at least some vegetables in their garden.  However  (like in nz) many families who are renting are constantly moving and can't start a garden.  And like in many countries some poor people have simple lost hope and have given up and dont have the mental capacity to think about planting vegetables that will be ready to eat in 3 months , as they are too busy focusing on what they and their children will eat today. I love how the NGO I work for is all about helping people to have hope for the future and encouraging them, working together with them as partners and not beneficiaries or of people that need our sympathy.
There are children begging on the road saying they are hungry  but they usually live on the street by choice and many of them spend money they are given on drugs alcohol or glue to sniff. Really sad of course but nothing giving money can resolve.

Other people think I live in a kind of primitive jungle with No internet , electricity, running water with wild animals running around our home. Well it's a little bit true (but mainly Not.)  I mean I did see a monkey run through my backyard the other day. But before that the most exciting thing in my backyard was our two crazy chickens (who hate me) and a little scorpion. I admit there are some technical limitations for example I can only use my visa card at one shop in a 5km radius and the ATM only works 50% of the time.We don't have running water in our home but we do have a tap (which gets water about once a week) which is connected to a tank. We only totally ran out of water once. Internet we have on our phones and nearly everyone has a phone (although the poor don't have a smart phone mainly) however these days my phone internet connection is always failing and a conversation with my mum on wattsapp is more frustrating than going to the bank here. Electricity is generally fine. I mean we have had about ten power cuts here and they only lasted a few hours or a day and some times it was because my landlord hadn't paid for new electricity.  And one time it was because the line of our electricity was broken and our landlord's  son who is a former electrician kindly came to fix it and got electrocuted.  Twice.
But besides the sparks that come out of every socket that you put a plug in , electricity is pretty good.

And I have to remind you that i don't live in a nice suburb or a nice house  (although I love my little haven and it's totally nice by a lot of people's standards ) so for some people in Kigali and Rwanda water and electricity and internet is similar to that of western countries.

And another thing in Rwanda charcoal cooking is slowly being replaced by gas cookers. Fridges and ovens are becoming more common as well as indoor plumbing and western toilets.

I even bought a gas oven last week. The first thing i baked was a banana cake , which burnt at the bottom and fell apart in little delicious crumbs. The next thing I cooked (warming up leftovers) I forgot about and started a fire in my oven. I haven't dared to cook anything in it since.

I don't know what you imagine my life in Rwanda is like. I imagine the way I see Rwanda is different from other westerners and from other Rwandans. But these are some of the following quirks I have noticed which make Rwanda unique and genuinely delightful.
I have made a little list. Of course when I say everyone it's obviously not everyone maybe not even most people but many.
*everyone wears a watch  (even saw a girl wear a bulky black mans watch on her wedding) but none of them actually work. Same goes for clocks.
*anything on the wall (family photos , paintings etc) are nearly touching the ceilings
*Rwandan have ridiculously high ceilings and rooves. Some rooves are so high it could have been a two story house. Making lighting actually atrocious. And I dont know how structurally sound it is. I suspect it's not. I kid you not there is a house down the road with a perfectly good low (normal) roof. When I discussed this with my colleague and a builder I learnt that it is purely done for asthetic reasons to show how rich you are..when asked the cost between a normal roof and a high roof the price difference was 2 million rwf.. well this stingy Dutchie would never pay for that No matter how Rich I am.
*i have met people in Rwanda who think the heart is underneath the left breast  (like on the rib) and who also believe washing with hot water is bad, wearing underwear at night causes infection, putting sugar (instead of running water )on burns is the best treatment, birth control causes infertility and my personal favourite putting a laptop on your lap without a book in between causes infertility.
*most believe you shouldn't drink during or directly after a meal as it will ruin digestion..this may or may not be true however it means that I am always the only one drinking with my meal
* people use the flash on the camera at all times.  Even in the middle of a sunny day.
*also some people hold their phones at crotch height when taking photos of people in front of them. It really annoyed me in the beginning but now it feels normal.
*it's normal to have complete strangers talk about your clothes, your weight and what you are buying. "You are so big these days Keza" "thanks for the compliment, makes me feel like a million Rwandan francs"
*many people meet their significant other "on the way". I think many friend ships are formed on the road walking some where. People are so friendly to strangers and to Everyone. It is probably my most favourite thing about Rwanda and something every country should learn from
*when you are sick -people come to visit you in your home.  And it's usually an official thing with speeches and gifts.
*everything requires a meeting, speeches and formalities
*there is a committee and a title for everything. For example in my choir we have 3 families and a president of the families.
*to know people is to spend money. You need to contribute (give money) when visiting people as a group, when visiting someone in the hospital,  for weddings, for any kind of party you are organizing. The richer you are the more people invite you to their weddings. And even if you dont know them well and have no intention of going to their wedding. You need to contribute money.
*to deposit money in a bank you need your account number. A visa card means nothing. Also you need to fill out a form to deposit money. Also the line is two hours long. Also it's my worst thing in Rwanda.
* when you lend someone something you are actually giving it to them
*everything in your home is collective property. A new girl moving in? Yay more clothes for our collective pool. I have fully embraced this. Today half the clothes I am wearing are from Claire.
*some things Rwanda does amazing in environmentally like reusing fanta glass bottles and banning plastic bags however for every glass bottle recycled a plastic straw is used . And people laugh at you if you reuse a plastic water bottle.
* There's noise restrictions which is why many churches were shut down here however the local district worker walks around the streets at 6am on a SATURDAY yelling things over a s a loud speaker for at least an hour.
*you can't put your underwear on display in Rwanda. However breast feeding is completely normalized as is nudity and showering together (amongst same gender of course)
*beauty routine is so different here. One must scrub there feet and nails constantly, smotjer their body every day with body oil and never ever leave the house in jandles  (or what they call here house slippers). Here less is not more. If you own goldnl earrings , rings, bracelet, watch and necklace you wear all.."the I just woke up and left the house look " is not acceptable here. Same is shaving your legs. My friends think its so weird that I do it.
*you also have to look on point 100% of the time. Except on Saturdays when all of Rwanda  (including politicians) wear their sports shorts and sports tops.
*I could write a book on weddings and all the customs. But I won't. Mainly because the idea of me having a full on Rwandan wedding makes me feel very very anxious
*there are some interesting child raising ideas. For example some children are prodded with a boiling hot fork on their heads to stop them having fever. It's often you see someone with fork burn marks on their heads.  Also babies are dressed in ridiculous amounts of layers in hot weather meaning they are sweating and miserable this is because mums don't want them to get a cold.
*also everyone apparently dies from malaria or poisoning..
*theres traditions for every single thing  for example the first time an uncle holds his nephew or niece he has to put money in the babies hand. Or after a couple meet a family the couple visit their parents home for the first time and their is a ceremony attached to this with traditional attire, speeches and of course fanta,meat and chips.. . And then the parents visit the married couple for the first time and the same happens again... and oh we can continue. The fanta Industry in rwanda is one I should definitely invest all my money in.
For someone who comes from a country with hardly any traditions (except a bbq at Christmas time) it's been a massive struggle to celebrate everything. It's time consuming,  expensive and exhausting (and often boring)
*the beliefs about a woman's role in the family is something from the 50's . The other day we were at a woman's meeting at church and they were saying that basically the wife is a servant to the husband and to the in laws. And Everyone was nodding and agreeing..... and they asked if I wanted this woman or another woman with similar views to mentor me but I disagreed because In this area I am beyond mentoring.
*also relationships (romantic) are so so so so complicated
*everyone holds hands with each other  (same sex and mixed gender) but in public its rare to see actual romantic couples doing this
*PDA is frowned upon .. even at people's actual weddings
*parents would never show any physical affection to each other in front of their children
*people eat a full hot meal at 2pm and 9pm. No such thing as sandwiches for lunch or last night leftovers in fact taking your lunch to work is wierd

In summary. Everything is complicated in Rwanda.. However
Living is simple. Cooking is simple. Education is simple.
 But everything else is over complicated. I have always hated formality,  rules, and spending a long time doing things. My rwandan sisters tell me "we love how everything for you is easy nothing is a problem for you" BUT there are days that i really struggle..not because Rwandan culture is bad or wrong in any way but just because it is so different.

Some days i feel safest in my little haven  in my little house where we sometimes eat cheese for dinner, we rarely eat lunch, we wear slobby clothes and don't have rules or protocol around anything..thankful for my little home of peace and for my sisters who fill it with love and my neighbours who make us feel comfortable and accepted