Frequently Asked Questions - 1 month to go
I can't believe that I am saying this, but I am Lord willing going to be flying for Rwanda in one month (and 4 days).
Just the thought of this fills me with such trepidation and anxiety .. sometimes it even makes me feel sick.I have never felt so worried and anxious about anything so much in my life.
I remember my first trip, I allowed myself to have some anxiety about going to Rwanda for the first time but reassured myself with "its only 3 months, if I hate it at least I will be going on holiday to the Netherlands afterwards" The 2nd trip I had count down calendars and was extremely excited about going.
The third trip after a three year gap, I remember came with a bit of anxiety. I knew it was my last trip before the big move. I remember feeling a bit nervous about working at a new organization, living in a new place, and not having visa situation sorted. But I remember the night before I went on this trip I met up with my Rwandan Friend Olivier who had recently moved to Auckland from Noel Orphanage in Nyundo (where I had met him on my 2nd volunteer trip, when he was living there 3 years earlier) and his caregiver (who I also knew as she was a fellow volunteer at the orphanage) and as we reminisced and shared stories about Noel and I was passed on a (love) letter from someone that I vaguely knew in Rwanda, who had written the letter and given it to Olivier to give to me when he saw me.
I remember feeling so good after the visit and feeling really excited about going to Rwanda and all of my anxiety going away.
I have had several times in the last few months where I have woken up in the middle of the night and thought "I am moving to Rwanda in xx months" and it has made me feel sick to the core.
But then comes the reassurances. Last week I caught up with some beautiful friends who I have known from my university days, in Dunedin. They are all African's and in my university days I was very involved with the African Students Association (even becoming the president of the association for a year) and had a really lovely circle of friends from all around Africa.
Over dinner we laughed, told jokes and made fun of each other. We talked all evening about Africa and all of our desires to return there and to make a difference in our own way. We talked about how far Africa had come and how far specific countries in Africa are coming, including Rwanda. We talked about the problems that exist in Africa but also the incredible strengths and resources there are in Africa.
After catching up with my friends I sat in the car driving home and had the hugest grin on my face. I felt light and peaceful and absolutely blissfully happy. I watched a small video clip of the night later on, and saw that I was laughing and having the best time ever. It gave me a feeling of De ja vue. When Have I ever felt that way before?
I realized that I hadn't felt that blissfully happy in such a long time. And I remembered the last time I felt that way and it was every single day when I was in Rwanda.
And that's when I knew that it would be okay. Because God created me to enjoy the company of African (Rwandan) people , God created me with a sense of humour that just works in Rwanda and amongst other African people, God created me to love and absolutely enjoy being around people from Africa. And if God created me that way - then God also created me with a purpose- which is to love and to be loved - in Rwanda.
Feeling Anxiety is never helpful when other people are second guessing you and asking you the same questions. Sometimes the questions annoy me. Sometimes it frustrates me that the west has been sold this picture of Africa which is completely untrue. Sometimes it makes me passionate - to share and to show New Zealand and my circle of influence what Rwanda really is like.
Frequently asked Questions are :
"But will you be safe there?" or "is it safe there?" " or what is your organization doing about your safety"
The short answers are Yes I genuinely hope so, Yes, and I'm a grown up and don't need to be babysat.
The questions I think generally come from the picture that has been painted by Western Media around the genocide in Rwanda, and also famines/wars/ boko haram/ Lords Resistance army/bombings that are constantly portrayed in the media about Africa.
Since the genocide Rwanda has developed at a miraculous rate. It went from 5% school attendance to 95% school attendance. They are quickly becoming leaders in Africa for their environmental projects, innovation, and growth of economy. They have amazing initiatives that New Zealanders could learn from like a compulsory once per month Community Service day (umuganda), plastic bags being banned, and now they have even passed a law which says that only clothing that is made in Rwanda may be purchased within Rwanda. Some of the malls, hotels and Movie theatre in Rwanda, are flasher than one I have ever seen in New Zealand.
And even though NZ flashes around the slogan "clean , green and beautiful" Rwanda trumps New Zealand every day in the "clean, green and beautiful department"
Rwanda still has a long way to go of course - but I think that I don't need to go into that too much, as this is the only picture that is portrayed in the media, so you all know that anyway.
So how does this relate to my safety? Well unlike Western Individualistic countries where many people are out for number one and old people are left to die alone in rest homes- Rwandan people genuinely care about each other and want to look after those who need looking after, and in this case it is the visitors.
There have been so many instances where someone tried to rip me off, or harass me, but then multiple strangers who were all looking out for me would stop the person and told them to charge me the normal price or to leave me alone. I know for every 1 person who has some evil intention towards me there are 100 people that will challenge them and stop them from doing it. I feel safe because I know that the people in Rwanda care about me, they want me to BE and feel safe, and they want me to have a good time. In New Zealand I don't always think that this is the case.
So Yes. I believe I will be safe. I know that things may happen, as they may happen in N.Z. I am well aware that there are guys out there with not good intentions, to a young blonde white girl. But I also know that in New Zealand we have those guys as well. Most importantly I believe that God called me to Rwanda to do His Work and I believe He will be with me and around me wherever I go.
Another Frequently asked question/pondering is
"but you will come back won't you?" "but it will be only 2 years won't it?"
These questions are said by people who are not worrying about if I will ever return to N.Z for a holiday (Lord Willing obviously I want to return within the next few years to see my family again) but they are simply not understanding that I am moving to Rwanda. I may go to Rwanda for 2 years - but I may also go there for 82 years. I mean I really don't know.
All I know is that I am selling all my belongings, I am cutting all strings with New Zealand, I am taking the biggest gamble of my life and I am literally following God where He has called me.
I don't know if I will return , because I don't know what God's plans are for my life. I don't know if I will live, die, loose a limb, get children, marry, loose a family member. I have no idea. I'm not making any more plans but giving God the reins of my life.
I do know that if I am physically able, and I have the financial resources then of course I will be visiting my family who I love so much, especially for important family events like weddings.
But I do not know if I will return to New Zealand "to live" and settle down.
I don't think I will, but you never know what life throws at you.
So for now the only answer I have to this FAQ is "I don't know - only God knows my future, but my wish and desire at this stage is to live permanently in Rwanda (or another part of Africa) at this stage"
Talk to me in a year, and I might answer completely differently!
This next month I anticipate answering a lot more "Frequently asked questions", planning my market, packing my bags, organizing my life and tidying up loose ends. I anticipate a lot of anxiety, maybe even a few sleepless nights, but also peace and excitement at the same time.
If you want to have a catch up before I leave- please book me in. I literally have 5 weeks left and they are filling up fast :
Just the thought of this fills me with such trepidation and anxiety .. sometimes it even makes me feel sick.I have never felt so worried and anxious about anything so much in my life.
I remember my first trip, I allowed myself to have some anxiety about going to Rwanda for the first time but reassured myself with "its only 3 months, if I hate it at least I will be going on holiday to the Netherlands afterwards" The 2nd trip I had count down calendars and was extremely excited about going.
The third trip after a three year gap, I remember came with a bit of anxiety. I knew it was my last trip before the big move. I remember feeling a bit nervous about working at a new organization, living in a new place, and not having visa situation sorted. But I remember the night before I went on this trip I met up with my Rwandan Friend Olivier who had recently moved to Auckland from Noel Orphanage in Nyundo (where I had met him on my 2nd volunteer trip, when he was living there 3 years earlier) and his caregiver (who I also knew as she was a fellow volunteer at the orphanage) and as we reminisced and shared stories about Noel and I was passed on a (love) letter from someone that I vaguely knew in Rwanda, who had written the letter and given it to Olivier to give to me when he saw me.
 |
| I'm pretty sure this is the guy that sent me the love note... I was not amused by this guy |
I remember feeling so good after the visit and feeling really excited about going to Rwanda and all of my anxiety going away.
I have had several times in the last few months where I have woken up in the middle of the night and thought "I am moving to Rwanda in xx months" and it has made me feel sick to the core.
But then comes the reassurances. Last week I caught up with some beautiful friends who I have known from my university days, in Dunedin. They are all African's and in my university days I was very involved with the African Students Association (even becoming the president of the association for a year) and had a really lovely circle of friends from all around Africa.
Over dinner we laughed, told jokes and made fun of each other. We talked all evening about Africa and all of our desires to return there and to make a difference in our own way. We talked about how far Africa had come and how far specific countries in Africa are coming, including Rwanda. We talked about the problems that exist in Africa but also the incredible strengths and resources there are in Africa.
After catching up with my friends I sat in the car driving home and had the hugest grin on my face. I felt light and peaceful and absolutely blissfully happy. I watched a small video clip of the night later on, and saw that I was laughing and having the best time ever. It gave me a feeling of De ja vue. When Have I ever felt that way before?
I realized that I hadn't felt that blissfully happy in such a long time. And I remembered the last time I felt that way and it was every single day when I was in Rwanda.
 |
| Blissfully happy - every day in Rwanda. Surrounded by beautiful children. |
And that's when I knew that it would be okay. Because God created me to enjoy the company of African (Rwandan) people , God created me with a sense of humour that just works in Rwanda and amongst other African people, God created me to love and absolutely enjoy being around people from Africa. And if God created me that way - then God also created me with a purpose- which is to love and to be loved - in Rwanda.
Feeling Anxiety is never helpful when other people are second guessing you and asking you the same questions. Sometimes the questions annoy me. Sometimes it frustrates me that the west has been sold this picture of Africa which is completely untrue. Sometimes it makes me passionate - to share and to show New Zealand and my circle of influence what Rwanda really is like.
Frequently asked Questions are :
"But will you be safe there?" or "is it safe there?" " or what is your organization doing about your safety"
The short answers are Yes I genuinely hope so, Yes, and I'm a grown up and don't need to be babysat.
The questions I think generally come from the picture that has been painted by Western Media around the genocide in Rwanda, and also famines/wars/ boko haram/ Lords Resistance army/bombings that are constantly portrayed in the media about Africa.
Since the genocide Rwanda has developed at a miraculous rate. It went from 5% school attendance to 95% school attendance. They are quickly becoming leaders in Africa for their environmental projects, innovation, and growth of economy. They have amazing initiatives that New Zealanders could learn from like a compulsory once per month Community Service day (umuganda), plastic bags being banned, and now they have even passed a law which says that only clothing that is made in Rwanda may be purchased within Rwanda. Some of the malls, hotels and Movie theatre in Rwanda, are flasher than one I have ever seen in New Zealand.
And even though NZ flashes around the slogan "clean , green and beautiful" Rwanda trumps New Zealand every day in the "clean, green and beautiful department"
 |
| Clean, Green and Beautiful Rwanda. The Switzerland of Africa. |
Rwanda still has a long way to go of course - but I think that I don't need to go into that too much, as this is the only picture that is portrayed in the media, so you all know that anyway.
So how does this relate to my safety? Well unlike Western Individualistic countries where many people are out for number one and old people are left to die alone in rest homes- Rwandan people genuinely care about each other and want to look after those who need looking after, and in this case it is the visitors.
There have been so many instances where someone tried to rip me off, or harass me, but then multiple strangers who were all looking out for me would stop the person and told them to charge me the normal price or to leave me alone. I know for every 1 person who has some evil intention towards me there are 100 people that will challenge them and stop them from doing it. I feel safe because I know that the people in Rwanda care about me, they want me to BE and feel safe, and they want me to have a good time. In New Zealand I don't always think that this is the case.
So Yes. I believe I will be safe. I know that things may happen, as they may happen in N.Z. I am well aware that there are guys out there with not good intentions, to a young blonde white girl. But I also know that in New Zealand we have those guys as well. Most importantly I believe that God called me to Rwanda to do His Work and I believe He will be with me and around me wherever I go.
Another Frequently asked question/pondering is
"but you will come back won't you?" "but it will be only 2 years won't it?"
These questions are said by people who are not worrying about if I will ever return to N.Z for a holiday (Lord Willing obviously I want to return within the next few years to see my family again) but they are simply not understanding that I am moving to Rwanda. I may go to Rwanda for 2 years - but I may also go there for 82 years. I mean I really don't know.
All I know is that I am selling all my belongings, I am cutting all strings with New Zealand, I am taking the biggest gamble of my life and I am literally following God where He has called me.
I don't know if I will return , because I don't know what God's plans are for my life. I don't know if I will live, die, loose a limb, get children, marry, loose a family member. I have no idea. I'm not making any more plans but giving God the reins of my life.
I do know that if I am physically able, and I have the financial resources then of course I will be visiting my family who I love so much, especially for important family events like weddings.
But I do not know if I will return to New Zealand "to live" and settle down.
I don't think I will, but you never know what life throws at you.
So for now the only answer I have to this FAQ is "I don't know - only God knows my future, but my wish and desire at this stage is to live permanently in Rwanda (or another part of Africa) at this stage"
Talk to me in a year, and I might answer completely differently!
This next month I anticipate answering a lot more "Frequently asked questions", planning my market, packing my bags, organizing my life and tidying up loose ends. I anticipate a lot of anxiety, maybe even a few sleepless nights, but also peace and excitement at the same time.
If you want to have a catch up before I leave- please book me in. I literally have 5 weeks left and they are filling up fast :
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